From Nat's Brain

I hear music?

This morning, I open my eyes to find him hovering over me a la every scary movie I have ever seen.  The light coming from our large window was such that I couldn't see his face... except maybe for the twinkle in his eye that could be, "Mommy, it is time for you to die". In my mind's eye, I am sure I could see the glimmer of my favourite chef's knife.

I know this knife well. In my formative years, while completing my first degree in beer, boys and euchre I worked at House of Knives at the Rideau Centre. It was a fun environment, except for the cops showing up once in a while and shoving evidence bags  in our direction. "Do you know what this is?" It was usually a chef's knife. Though not usually, the high end chef's knife. Mr. Police Office would then look at us seriously and say "Did you know that most crimes are committed with a kitchen knife?" --- and we would nod. We knew because (1) we sold knives and (2) every single horror film featuring frail children who kill, has him/her brandishing some sort of kitchen knife. As well, as women we both figured if push came to shove and we needed a big sharp weapon, we'd be best going something that we could wield with some familiarity. This Trident 10-inch blade is pretty much knife perfection. Damn I love that thing.

But The Boy was not looking to stab me multiple times, he was looking for his morning snuggle. Which I don't always appreciate as much as I should, there will come a time when he won't want to be spending time with the likes of me. So we snuggle and are dozing off again... and I hear music. Try as I may I am pretty sure that if I was getting a sign from "beyond the veil" I am pretty sure that it wouldn't be the theme song from Get Smart. (Then again... )

"Son, did you leave your iPod on?"

"No mother dearest (and there is no knife behind my back either)."

"Son, I hear music."

"Really? You can hear that?"

The Man... "Yeah, I hear it too." 

All to say the snuggle was interrupted and the offending iPod became far more interesting than I am. Still this being the last day of 2009, I thought I'd give you a few thoughts on music, TV and technology and "social media"  in 2009...

The good, the bad and the ugly 2009 edition

I would formulate a complete thought and make you nice paragraphs with comma and hyphens and ellipses where there ought not be, but it is nearly the end of the year and I am reflecting. (Actually I am sitting here, wondering why I agreed to an evening run when I haven't run in a few weeks with Treena who found the seatbelt and does not fall of the wagon ever. Also I am not sure my lined running tights will fit. This could be humbling.)

My mind is full of odd ideas of late. Call this Nat's Brain dump

• Sleep in the bottom of a Wild Thing Pile. Really isn't that EXACTLY how the wild things would sleep? Violent and grumpy and moody and all that... but at the end of the day -- they sleep in a pile.  Love it. Want to do it. Really. In my mind, Wild Things smell like gingerbread when they sweat...
• 6 adults in a minivan for 24 hours DO NOT smell like gingerbread. Still the American Odyssey Relay from Gettysburg to DC was probably the most fun 12 adults can have and still end up friends at the end of it all. Definitely do that again. As soon as I can run 5K without dying. 
• You can throw Liberals from the North East in with Republicans from the Southwest and be just fine so long as you don't
• Standing for a two and a half hour Bruce Springsteen concert in Boston will leave you feeling much sorer than running a 13.1 mile/21.1 km half marathon. I blame the hopping -- and the Drop Kick Murphys. The only medal we got was Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band doing a cover of I Wanne Be Sedated.
• If I could I would only see concerts in Boston.
• Speaking of sedated. I watched the Springsteen tribute as part of 32nd Kennedy Honors for the Arts (or some such thing.) Why they chose to resurrect Mellencamp to sing Born in the U.S.A. is beyond me. (And I really really want Ben Harper to sing I'm on Fire to me --- mmmmmmm.) 
• I don't understand what the big deal with Lady Gaga is. It's meaningless pop music no? Why is she different? People keep calling her post-modern. I don't think she's post-anything. Hasn't Peaches been doing this scthick for years?
• Speaking of music. I will do a post on my favourites of the year. It's been sort of meh year musically. The truth is that when I feel off-kilter, as I do right now, I tend to retreat in old favourites. (Read: a lot of Pearl Jam. My favourites right now are the boots from the 2009 Chicago,  Toronto shows. I think PJ are one of those bands that only makes sense live. How much do I love Bootlegs.)

Media quickies...

Nine

I'm not entirely sure how it happen, but somehow  time got away from me. It seems like forever ago, we spent a restless night in the hospital with a sense of "dear god, what have we done" and a living breathing, rather enormous 9lb 12 oz baby boy in the room. 

Tomorrow, December 29 at 14:14, The Boy will be officially 9. NINE.

I remember this snuggly, food sucking ball of warmth. 

And here we are -- nine years later. He is still a (much bigger mind you) snuggly, food sucking ball of warmth. Great laughing joking smiling loving kind of kid. (He must get that from his dad.)

I mean look at him:

Look we made a (relatively) self-sustaining human. Most miraculous perhaps, I still marvel that he used  fit inside me. (Which probably explains the sad state of my abs, however... )

I remember people trying to explain to me how much children would give us meaning and change everything. And I would nod my head and go "but of course". What they don't tell you is that your children are as much part of your as your limbs. That there isn't a part of you wondering about them when they aren't right there... and well... they don't tell you that the best part of any day are the velcro, reckless abandon hugs. Or that while the world can be a scary place but that there is a lot of hope because of these critters.

And The Boy, well if love were enough he'd be set. Instead, he's stuck with two parents who adore him but who sometimes are a bit unorthodox in their methods. "Oh right, we should explain..." school of parenting -- no question to odd, no answer to complex (though less is more is something we're learning.) Mostly we try to preach respect, tolerance and understanding that there is a very large possibility that his parents don't have a clue. And he seems to be the empathetic, kind, gentle, funny soul -- who see the marvel in the big and the little. I hope his tell-all book "My Bad Parents" will be kind.

Still he amazes me, with his stories and his games. The songs he sings as he walks through the house. (Right now, it's The Hives, Tick Tick Boom "Yeah ... I was right all along."  Thank you Lego Rock Band -- I do love it so. ) He gets the music thing, even he apologetically dropped out of choir to play outside at recess.  And the world is a wacky fun place when you're 9, sure it's got it's scary bits like spending an evening at CHEO but it's there. And he's taken us places we'd never have seen otherwise.... and we've met people we'd never have met otherwise. 

It's been a spectacular journey so far... Happy Birthday son... Here's to many many more.

Have yourselves a merry little Christmas

Let me take this opportunity to wish you all a wonderful Merry Christmas filled with love and magic and all those things that make life wonderful, and warm.

I'd like to take this a moment to thank everyone who comments, supports, reads my frequently incoherent brain dumps. Big hugs to you all... and all the season's best.

Friends

I need to acknowledge here and now that I am one lucky bitch. 

Over the last week, the beautiful folk around me have had to listen to me whine, cry, scream and bang my fists. They really really listened and they shared and I listened. I am reminded once again of the wonderful dialogue that are the relationships in my life, and even when I am lost and alone in my head and fearing the worst -- you all come through. Every single one of you. And I'll be damned if I don't feel a bit speechless about the whole thing. The new year is getting off to a bumpy start, but damn it if I don't feel a touch of optimism. Hope people. I have hope. More than this I have options. Many many options. (And a big fucking union on my side.) 

And with hope... well a bit of cheer... (decorating the tree with The Boy helped too -- he is so excited.)

I must admit that Animal was always my favourite Muppet. I promise a bit Christmas cheer around the bend and more animal antics.

Ain't no mountain low enough.

Scene: The Boy and I, grocery store we don't know looking for salsa. He is singing. I like the singing. The Child inherited his father's voice. Trust me, this is a good thing. I have a voice unfit for even the drunkenest karaoke. (New York, New York very hard to sing.)

TB: "Ain't no mountain high enough...

Ain't no mountain low enough...

Ain't no river wide enough...

To keep me from getting to you..."

Me: I like that song a lot. I like to sing to it. Are you singing that for your pageant.

TB: No the choir is doing that one. We are singing I gotta a Feeling and That's the Way and some French song.

He resumes singing...

"Ain't no mountain low enough."

Me: Dude, I am pretty sure it's valley.

TB: that makes no sense Valley's aren't low.

Me: Well from the top of the high mountain, besides who has ever heard of a low mountain.

TB: No, maybe it's hill... "Ain't no hill low enough..."

Me:  But a low hill isn't much an obstacle. I mean why would that keep you from me.  A very low hill is just flat, you know?

TB: You have a point. But I still think it's mountain. Lyrics don't have to make sense.

The Great Interview Project -- Rhea's Reality

Happy Sunday folks. Time for part II of the Neil's Great Interview Project. You will recall that a few weeks ago, Modern Mama ran an interview with me, it's now time for Rhea's close up. Her blog, Rheality Check is possibly one of the most interesting blogs I've come across in some time -- a Texan feminist, now living in Chicago who talks about whatever's on her mind. (I expect that if she weren't in Chicago, she's someone I'd enjoy having coffee with.) Oh, she also volunteers read to children and plays soccer. Judging by these answers, I'll say that she has a healthier relationship with Social Media than I do. 

She gets bonus marks for loving Glee and chocolate. (I'll overlook the sock thing.)

1. You are an American a feminist in your 20s, I am Canadian feminist in my (very) late 30s. So we have that in common. What do you think, women "my age" need to understand about this generation of feminism? How do you think the struggle (if you call it that) is different for women in Canada than in the U.S.?
I think that my particular age-group is actually right on the border of girls who grew up without really seeing women struggle at all. Having gone to a women's college my perspective has changed quite dramatically by actually having to consider women's issues much more than I did before I got there and I feel grateful to have had that experience. I think that growing up with fewer struggles and more of a sense of equality many "feminists" of my generation feel that "the struggle" is essentially over which I do not agree with. But I also think that feminists previous to us have to understand that the vehemence with which you speak to us about certain experiences we just don't have the background to understand so at times we need that to be explained to us. To be honest, I don't really know how different Canada is from the US so I'm not sure what the differences might be, though I would imagine that most of the struggles in "developed Western countries" would be pretty similar.

2.  Would you consider moving back to Texas?

I love Texas, I really do. I always say "you can take the girl outta Texas but you can't take the Texas outta the girl." however I'm not sure I'd ever go back. Mostly because I've gotten used to public transportation and partly because I like the "city things" that Chicago has to offer. I have no idea where my life will take me but it isn't unimaginable for me to think that Chicago may just be the place I stay because it has everything i want in a city. That said, I am sure that I will complain for the rest of my life about how it just doesn't have some things that I will always miss from Texas.

3. I really loved the post about relationship status and Facebook. (Wish I'd figured out sooner, to be honest.)  If you were to get married, would you take your partner's name?

No. I don't know exactly when/why I decided this but I have never ever considered taking a partner's name if I were to get married. I just really like my name and am very attached to it, I just don't think it's something I could let go of because I feel like it's so much a part of my identity.

4. How did you get into soccer?

My parents signed me up for soccer when I was a teeny tiny kid - soccer is big in Texas and also in Indian families so it was just natural. Also it's an all year kinda sport in Texas so when they put me in it, I started off as a really lousy player - by which I mean I literally used to pick at the dandelions on the field while everyone else was actually playing - but by the time I got to high school I actually really got into it and I enjoy playing even if I am still not the greatest player. (Truth be told I'm not cut out to be an athlete, I just find sports to be fun in general - I've given most sports a try).

5.  You seem to blog more sporadically even than I do... when do you blog? Is it goal? Why did you start blogging?

Well I initially started this blog with the intent that I would blog about things that were important to me about current events and things going on in the world. This stemmed from the fact that I used to read the paper on the way to work every day and I'd have all these comments about the stuff I read and really nowhere/no one to talk to about it so I figured why not just start a blog? I sort of lost track of that due to recent circumstances so I don't think I have much of a goal with my blog anymore. Part of why I've been so inconsistent of late is that my work and personal life took so much a toll on me that I really didn't have the energy to blog. Also, while I do like blogging there are certain things that I think are just too personal to put online and those are the things that have really been on my mind lately.

Quickies:
6. One song?
Currently it would be "My Life Would Suck Without You" because I just finished catching up with my new guilty pleasure - Glee.

7. One place you have to see before you die?

The Louvre. I have a love affair with Paris even though I've never been.

8. Socks necessary or just plain evil?

I <3 socks. I have really lousy circulation or something like that so my hands and feet tend to get cold quite easily so I totally think they're necessary. That said, it'd be awesome if it were warm enough all the time that they weren't necessary.

9. Will you join the petition to make chocolate a food group?

If this is a Facebook group then no because Facebook and I have a very love/hate relationship at the moment (actually favoring hate quite a bit right now). However, if this is just a general sentiment then I definitely think chocolate should be its own food group ;)

I told you, I told you, I told you... I was one of those

The fact of the matter is I am not nice. I'm not. From time to time, I do nice things. But nice isn't necessarily a tittle I give myself. In fact, well, I have a penchant (pretentious word of the day) for naughty. The problem is that I forget that nice is the way of the world. Evidently, I can scare and intimidate, even when it is not my intention.  I have a low bullshit threshold, and an even lower stupidity and laziness threshold. Most of time I can make this work. Most of the time I have worked in environments that weren't so damned, well nice.

Sometimes I hurt people when I don't mean to, and for that I feel awful.

Updates: Rogers still sucks furry monkey balls.

We got the first snow today. It's lovely. (Really it is.) I'd feel Christmas -- except that I'm mad as hell at Rogers.

My cable, internet and phone are out. NOT HAPPY. For my continued trouble I got $10.50 off my cable bill. Never mind the Wireless charges for tethering. Never mind the 30 minutes I spend on the phone with tech support. As I was on the phone with them -- cable lady said it would FRIDAY before they could send someone. (At 5 p.m. which means one of us would have to leave work early.) Then she switched me to the phone people who confirm that the issue is "on my block" -- and that it will be back at 9:51 p.m and that we don't need a tech at all.

REALLY, I'm all for being nice and friendly but at some point you have to deliver your promises, and I'm paying for a service, not to speak to your reps even when they offer me a measely $11 off my bill. Meanwhile I'm blowing through minutes and wireless at some sort of alarming rate. If they want to prove to me that my business matters. They give us three months free service (including both iPhones), and try to earn our trust back. Likelihood that this will happen -- slim to none.

Update: My (how sad it that) customer service rep called and apologized. (He's done with me, I can tell. ) He gave me $100 off our bill. He assures me that although they are running a "extension cord" to get power to the Armstrong Cable station. The City of Ottawa is the problem and they (the City) is going to fix it.... not holding my breath.

I am a feminist

In memory of the massacre at Ecole Polytechnique in Montreal.

Genevieve Bergeron

Helene Colgan

Nathalie Croteau

Barbara Daigneault

Anne-Marie Edward

Maud Haviernick

Barbara Klucznik-Widajewicz

Maryse Laganiere

Maryse Leclair

Anne-Marie Lemay

Sonia Pelletier

Michele Richard

Annie St-Arneault

Annie Turcotte

Sad that to this day, all the stories I looked up include the killers name in the first paragraph. It's these women who should be remembered.