Odd silence in the playground

It's been one of those days when I just can't seem to get it together. I begged off work early (fatigue), I was hoping for some QT with The Boy alas. It's a gorgeous spring day and well with the sun shining and the kids out for the weekend. Somehow three boys and three moms end up at the park.

These are not close friends of The Boy but I like one of the moms a lot. Mom#1 ran Boston and as happens when runners collide, we talk running. (She is really a gifted runner, and I have so much admiration for her. So much.) Add to the mix Mom#2, I have spoken to at an assemblee here and there. Seen her when we pick up our kids. She is one of those people who are never happy. In the last three years, I don't think we have had a conversation that doesn't involve her whining about her life in some way. In fact, while I am sure she loves her kids, I get the feeling that she doesn't like them very much. If you were to ask for a definition of unhappy, I'd point to her.

Now we have to make small talk while the kids play. (As the lack of post signifies usually.) It's been a long stress-filled week that involved getting VERY dressed up for some politicos. I have blisters on my toes to prove it. It's sunny, it's Friday... I am all about talking mother's day plans, and looking forward to some serious down time.

Unfortunately Mom#1 and I stepped on a landmine right out the the door. "So any big plans for mother's day?"
We stood helpless as it detonated.

"Well, it should come to no surprise to you that Dad#2 and I have separated."
(This is not a mom, I know well at all. Just one of the mom's at school. We chitchat from time to time but I don't think I've seen her since Christmas. Why we would suspect there were issues is beyond me. Sad for the kids in the short term, I suppose.)

She then proceeds to go on at great length to tell us why her marriage failed and what an atrocious bad guy her ex is. How he stifled her career and how he'd asked her to try and travel less, maybe take another job. Taken like that it sounds awful. Fact is that when The Man traveled a lot, I used to ask him to try and schedule things better. Closer together. Just so he could be home more. I have some sympathy for this guy. And they have three kids. Three. I was going insane with one. Then she goes on about all sorts of other issues you really don't need to here about people you only know from five minute snippets in the parking lot.

Truth be told, I like her ex. He seems like a glass half full kind of guy. (And perhaps on a fundamental level, this is why it didn't work.) And I don't say much. Mom#1 is very good with platitudes and she is doling the out. Meanwhile I am watching the kids. And not saying much. New topic Alex for $500 -- please? Pretty please.

Then I think I am being safe and I ask where her eldest is going to high school next year. (WRONG TOPIC -- so how 'bout the situation in Burma would have been better.) Here comes round 2. Her son decided (along with his dad) on a high school she doesn't approve of, she wanted him to go with the one with the higher academic standards. (She was in Europe when the decision needed to be made.)

"I always saw his father in him that one, " she said to us with contempt. "I've always had issues with that one. He's a lazy and takes the easy route all the time. He's going to be just like his dad."

I think as mothers we are all aware of our children's shortcomings. We try to teach them about life and luxury and all that. We try to show them right from wrong. Teach them to be individuals that are strong and true. (And yes, there are some days you'd consider selling them to gypsies.) I just wonder what it would take for me to say something that contemptuous about my son in front of strangers. To say he's just like a man she has just spent the last 15 minutes slagging. Insane. Absolutely insane.

And what as a fellow mother what do you say... good god.

Comments

[Dagny]

Sorry about your afternoon being messed up. Mother #2? Sounds kind of familiar. Like my own mother many days. And yeah, she will say mean things about my dad and then say that I'm like him. And she wonders why I'm not absolutely thrilled to spend time with her...

[Karen Sugarpants]

Ugh - how uncomfortable! I dunno, what could you say, really...

[Selma]

I have a divorced friend who is very guilty of condemning her ex and then her son for being like her ex. It's very poor form and quite upsetting for her son. I have pointed it out to her but she doesn't seem to think there's anything wrong with it. I wish she could see the damage she's causing. As for a virtual stranger carrying on like that - totally unacceptable.

[Stacey]

Ah, the gift of people you don't know feeling comfortable enough with you to tell you crap that you really shouldn't be privy to and honestly don't want to hear. I see you have it too.

[Mayberry Magpie]

"I can see how this is very troubling for you and perhaps you would benefit from talking to a professional."

Seriously . . . what do you say? "Hey, Debbie Downer, give it a rest."

Mayberry Magpie