From Nat's Brain

Procreate now!

We were at a wedding last weekend. My cousin D. was marrying her longtime partner L. We missed the ceremony because no one bothered to double-check the directions. But the reception was fun, the two brides looked lovely in capris, white blouses (gorgeous) and Birkenstocks. The hall was filled with women who you can tell... feel much more comfortable in rugby cleats than in heels. I met many whom I adored instantly.

But going to a wedding as a member of the family is no fun. Inevitably there are people who I see once every 10 to 15 years telling me how I need to live my life. Such is the case, the bride's aunt (other side of the family) who decided to tell me how great I looked. (Thank you.) How I looked so much like my mom. (True.) How much The Boy looked like me. (Poor kid.) How he was perfect? (Clearly she's never tried to slather sunscreen on him.) As my cheeks muscles are getting tired from the polite grins. She then asks "Do you know what's more perfect than one child?"
I don't like where this is going. But, I'll bite.
"Two children."

She then goes on to tell me that 7 years is not a lot of time between kids. And that the second one would be just as perfect and beautiful and really 37 is not to old. Now she is family, and I don't want to piss her off. "No, really we have decided that one is enough for us." Now what I meant was "You nosey bitch where the fuck do you get off telling me to have more children. AND I am out of wine." And I tried to walk away because I don't want to get technical.

But no, she went on. And on. And on. Until I bring out the big guns sanitized. "Well, I had a really hard pregnancy, I ended up hospitalized. And I bled so much after I had The Boy that The Man thought I was going to die. Now the question becomes do I want to die in childbirth or do I want to watch my "perfect" son grow up. What would you choose." *crickets* and a blank look.

After she mustered an "oh" before excusing herself. Seriously.

Now apparently many people are of the opinion that it's ok to say this to ask someone when they next plan to procreate. Because every one I talked to seemed to be just fine. Case and point:

I am telling this story to my SiL who says. "Well, you should have another baby." Why? (Because they want us to share in their hell that's why.) Going from one to two in that household has gone well. The eldest is still lashing out and well, he is not a happy about this at all. They both look like they are on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

Then my sister says "Well, the doctor said he'd like you to have another." (He said no such thing -- really, because that's the opposite what he told me. Sis reads into things from time to time to make her case.) SiL went as far as to suggest that The Man could have surgery to reverse the vasectomy. Oh right, from talking to her and because of something the doctor might have said to my sis, I will suddenly rediscover my maternal urges. For fuck's sake. It's like we woke up one morning and decided that for shits and giggles The Man should get sterilized. We thought about this people. Gah!

So let's be clear here people. We are only having one child. I don't give a fuck what you think. We hated the baby stage -- in fact, it didn't start to get fun until age 3 1/2. And we just cannot fathom going through it all again while trying to raise a seven year old. Can you imagine? Well some of you can because you've done it. But why do people get off making comments (I also want to know what the sisters are taking because clearly that household needs more or less of SOMETHING. I suspect it's more sleep.)

We have a family. You have yours. Some families are large, some families are small. How big or small families are has nothing to do with you, unless you are a part of it. Stop being nosey ok?

It was wrong. We were wrong.

No ifs ands or buts about it. There is nothing and I say nothing that excuses the residential schools for First Nations peoples. Nothing. And Stephen Harper did the right thing by apologizing. The apology should have happened long ago. Residential schools never should have happened in the first place.

Not to say this even comes close to setting things right. As we all remember from childhood, saying you're sorry just doesn't undo the hurt and the damage. Fact is we've done is so wrong. And when you are wrong you should apologize and try to make restitution somehow. But like setting the house on fire, somethings you can't undo with an "I'm sorry."

I think you know how much it pains me to say that Stephen Harper did the right thing. For a moment, I thought maybe just maybe the Tories of my youth might be hiding deep within their GWB rhetoric. There may be a glint of something humane in there somewhere. Like Mr. Obama winning the democratic nomination, for a moment I had hope.

Alas -- it only lasted a moment.

But Stevie has his issues and just when we start to see a light and we think "This time, it can't be a train" turns out it's the Right-Wing Wacko Express out of control and it's going to take out a small town. In this case in the shape of ultra-conservative, ultra-young right-winger Pierre Poilievre, who never met a media opportunity he didn't like. Gets on radio one hour before the apology and says:

Now along with this apology comes another $4 billion in compensation for those who partook in the residential schools over those years.

"Now, you know, some of us are starting to ask: 'Are we really getting value for all of this money, and is more money really going to solve the problem?'

"My view is that we need to engender the values of hard work and independence and self reliance. That's the solution in the long run - more money will not solve it.

Never mind the dollar figure is inflated by a mere $2 billion. Never mind that you don’t partake when the government takes your kids away. Never mind that the children were taken from their families, their homes, and their culture. (I get teary just thinking about it.) Never mind that many of these kids were abused in ways we can't imagine, and dehumanized. Lacking in every thing they knew. Never mind that many of the problems the First Nations people face today is due to this.. never mind all that. Never mind Pete is perpetuating stereotypes.

On the day of this historic apology -- this manchild sees fit to quash it all in a few word and show his ignorance, his prejudice, his racism.

On the day of an apology that was a long time coming. Pete saw fit to shine a light on what many left leanings Canadian fear most. The ugly Conservative. Today he apologized and "took responsibility" for his comment. (Note he didn't say he was wrong.) Sometimes saying you’re sorry isn’t good enough.

Fuckin' Whitey.

Can I help you?

I made my yearly trip to Walmart on Saturday night. (Why are they open 24 hours now. Why?) I go once a year to remind myself that I don't ever want to shop there again. Ever. Let's hope it sticks this time. There are a number of political reasons why I hate Walmart: union busting \ (if there is a group that needs a union it's Walmart employees), blatantly sexist practices, and the way they stranglehold small supplier into bankruptcy. (Go read the article.) They may say they're trying to be better corporate citizens. It's like Yoda says "There is no try, only do."

It is with some unease that I let myself get sucked into Walmart. But The Boy has been promised a clock for his room. And well, Zellers** was closed. I also need Tide and garbage bags. Gah! Ok. Here we go. Deep breath.

Walking into Wallmart for me, is akin to walking into a casion. Every inch of my body screams one thing. "Get out!" It's frenzied, it's stressful, there is truly nothing pleasant about this shopping experience. While Up ahead, a mom looks at bras, her 9-year-old son is bouncing a very large pink ball in ladies wear. She doesn't care. Neither do the staff.

We are looking for old school alarm clocks. We would ask which way to go if we could someone who works here. I end up in automotive. The Boy's radar sucks him into the toy section. "Sorry kid, tonight, it's just a clock." Can't find the laundry detergent, but it's unsexy enough to be around all these bottles and cleansers -- "Things that make holes in the ozone layer aisle 6). Motor oil-- leads to laundry detergent. (No clue why but it always seems to work this way.)

In spite of assurances that it's cheaper. I am not convinced. The price of Tide is the price of Tide, unless someone has a sale, it's all about the same price. Still it's a frenzy in this aisle. Shelves are mostly bare, given the activity you'd swear there was going to be a storm. A storm that will require huge amounts of household cleaning supplies. Odd mentality. "Ladies, there is enough fabric softener for everyone."

I go in the other direction. While I am not shocked they make spandex in XXXL (what's a girl going to work out in), I am shocked when women choose to wear them in public -- especially the pink ones. Then I nearly get run over by a woman in a too short skirt and too high heels, and looking like she is trying WAY too hard. She's leaning on her cart, yelling into her cell phone. She doesn't notice that she nearly rams into me. I bark excuse me. She gives me a dirty look. I betcha security would have let me off, if I'd have hit her. "Dude, she totally had it coming?"

I find the boys, they found a suitable clock with a projection screen. The Boy is thrilled. I am about to kill people. We find a cash. The lines are all two or three long and it seems to take forever. The guy ahead of us, is buying large quantities of soda. But in increments of threes. (Fuck people are weird.) The Boy wants gum. (No!) Fucking huge mega corp. and the fucking product placement.

Finally we escape. For a "quick" trip, it took 45 minutes. Cost $60.

But I wonder, does anyone say "woohoo!" Walmart -- what a wonderful place. There is no real sense of anticipation for these shopping excursions. The service sucks. Items are hard to find. The prices are par, just written in big bold letters. The staff is unhappy. Why do we keep putting up with this? Is it just that we believe the hype -- that it's so much cheaper.

My greater fear is though, that we are giving up personalized customer service in exchange for 6L of mediocre pickles for $1.99.

______
**(Zellers is more like a low end Target. Still crappy. Owned by Hudson's Bay Company. Treat employees slightly better. I placate myself with the thought that they were at some point Canadian -- motto not given First Nations peoples small pox any more.)

Slave to fashion

So The Boss of Me says that I need to stand in for her at an event on Friday morning. Not a big deal, they usually have food and coffee. They have budget for events. We don't. It sucks. But such is life.

Friday is casual day if I don't have meeting. (Usually pretty good at avoiding them). But if I have to do work formal and it's almost spring I decide the wear a skirt. With said skirt, I need shoes -- which I am sorely lacking in. But, it's almost summer spring and I find these super cute pair of mules in the closet. No pantyhose/mules. Little black skirt with white stripes and short jacket. I am going to look, well, presentable.

As I leave the house, I wonder why I never wore these shoes much.
I walk from the parking lot to my office. (I park far far away.) I notice that my toes are feeling a little smushed.

By the end of the event at 10:30 -- I am thankful that I can spend the rest of the day at my desk.
10:31 -- realize that I am going to need to get up at least once to pee
10:32 -- realize there is a 2:30 walk-about.
Walk-about...
Damn.
By the time I get back to the car to drive home, I consider going barefoot.

You know I have run a marathon. I have walked great distances. The pain in my feet on Friday was worse.

There is nothing worse than the pain you can get yourself in from wearing shoes that are designed for mannequins. I am all about the concept of shoes. Really. I love a pair of cute shoes. But you know what I love more than cute shoes. Comfortable shoes. I love comfortable shoes.

And these mules... these mules are designed by one of Satan's special minions I'm sure. I ran a marathon, and my feet didn't hurt like this. In fact, my feet had fewer blisters post-marathon than they do now.

Be it resolved that I am going to throw all the implements of torture such as these out and send them back to the fucktards who made them.

Flakey Friday 2: In praise of Buttertarts

Behold the Buttertart.

These little confections straight from the inner circles of hell are single handedly responsible for my lovehandles (I believe it's called a muffin top by the young folks), saddlebags and my back fat. These simple little treats made up of pastry filled with brown sugar, butter, eggs and for a bit of nutrition raisin and/or pecans. The problem is that it is impossible to pass these up. Because there is no such thing as a bad butter tart.

Today is one that will live on my memory for a very long time. Today. I had the best butter tart I have ever had. Today, L. the new girl at work, became my best friend. She knows the source of the butter tarts. Her friend makes them. I think I may never be the same.

Guilty?

Ottawa's Mayor Larry O'Brien has been charged with a number of offences directly related to the election last November. The big question is should he resign or take a leave from office while the charges are pending.

I am waffling on this one. I am definitely leaning towards taking a leave. (The counter is the old innocent until proven guilty thing, deep down I think O'Brien is making a mess of things.)

If, as alleged, O'Brien enticed Terry Kilrae by offering him a job on the Parole Board it would have had, in my opinion a major impact on the outcome election. If the race had been a four man race between Chiarelli, Munter, O'Brien and Kilrae. I am of the impression that Munter would have won. The conservatives (Kilrae and O'Brien splitting the vote.) Without O'Brien, Kilrae still would have lost.

Kilrae is a "man of the people" had been campaigning for mayor since the previous election. He is one of the ultra-conservative law-and-order simple candidates. There are no shades of grey (put the bad guys in jail, fuck social services.) This would have scared the bejesus out of the red tories. The votes would have gone to former Mayor Bob Chiarelli.

Given that the outcome of the election were directly affected by his alledged actions, it only makes sense that in order to protect the integrity of the Office he needs to step aside. The problem is who should succeed him in the interim, with the deputy mayor position rotating between concillors every few months. So what do you do without a mayor to lead council (and a divided one at that.)

My two cents. Wanted to get that off my chest.

It's not easy being green

I am all about trying to save the earth. In fact, given the right tools, I'd be all for making every one give up their big gas guzzling SUVs and Minivans and Hemis and being forced to drive smaller more reasonable transport. Small cars and really good public transportation. Call me a socialist (I like it). I am also realistic and think that deep down future generations are doomed because I am not willing to take all the steps necessary to save the earth -- and neither are you. (I am also aware that the biggest polluters are in fact industry and without getting Asia and Africa on line, the planet is going to spontaneously, and spectacularly combust.) I am also a hypocrite because I drive my new car to work (and The Boy to school --no bus) every day.

We had discussed getting a Prius but the price tag in these parts is still too steep for our means. (And the mileage isn't that much better. See kiss the planet bye bye.) I still have serious misgiving about cars and know that the biggest bulk of the pollution is in the making of the vehicle. But we bought a new one. (Not to say you shouldn't all give up your SUVs and your Hemis for something more fuel efficient.)

So in order to encourage, in a very small way, uses of renewable energy. I am all about people cycling to work. I would much rather have them sharing the road with me (rather than on the running path hitting me.) I understand as well, that in order to be die-hard road cyclist. It has to be political. It has to be a lane- hogging in-your-face type of cycling. I get it. I do. Most of time, I only swear at you a little but I make room.

But I draw the line at safety. There are no political statements to be made about the environment from a drug induced coma in ICU. In northern climes, there are days when it's just not safe to be cycling. Not safe -- AT ALL. It's not about gear or the right tires or anything. It's not about you and your diehard ways. It's about the rest of us driving these ozone depleting hunks of refined metals and plastic. Hunks of metal are at times, sliding uncontrollably in all direction embodying Newton's third law. And as luck would have it, it's usually the bigger hunks of metal that will be coming at you at great speed.

I drive a little car, it's a standard and I have snow tires. I'm driving slowly taking my time. I reckon we will all be late. It's the fucker who has an BMW SUV who figures that $50K will buy him better traction, but what he doesn't realize is that without snow tires, he is fucked. And he is making a bee-line for the snow bank. and hitting everything in his path --namely the cyclist. (True story, the guy had a bunch of real men pushing him out of the snow bank. I laughed at hm.) See that guy, he doesn't care about the politics, he is more worried about the snow ruining his expensive shoes and suit than the anything else. He hasn't even thought about global warming. He's the guy you need to worry about. Me, I'm giving you space. Cuz I am a mom, and I know you are someone kid's too. And I understand radicals. To him, you are just a dent in the paint.

So until we find a nice renewable source of energy that works wonders. Just be careful out there. Maybe take the bus when it snows. Ok?

The eyes of the world are watching now

I had a few moment to ponder today. Specifically about the case of two young women, there was an altercation at a party. One ended up dead, the other charged with murder. Very sad. Very misguided actions.

My sympathies to the family of the victim.

At issue here is the stupidity of the victims so-called friends. Evidently they have decided that since the alleged murder is said to have threatened the victim via electronic means (email or whatever), they decided some tit for tat was in order. So they posted a threat on the alleged murderer's Facebook profile.

I am not even touching on the stupidity of revenge, since they obviously missed the after school special on the topic. But isn't this akin to writing a hold up note on the back of a personal cheque. You have to know the cops are checking the site. And you have to know that, at the very least, her lawyers are checking it. And you have to know that this sort of thing is going to land you in one HELL of a lot of trouble. Bad enough your friend is dead, no need to be going to jail yourself.

Wild fires of another sort

I work for a large organization, and from time to time, we are involved in the bad news story. We are slick but not quite as slick as PR Lady from the Mac ads. But we tend to stick to the truth because, much to our dismay at times, reporters are not dumb. And the public is not dumb either. And they will call us on things.

Now if you are FEMA and you are already facing a massive fuck-up, and a lot of criticism on a number of fronts. You'd think you'd would have figured a lot of this out. Truth = good -- and then the reporters leave you alone. Otherwise they come back and MAN are they pissed.

However, some lessons are hard learned. Evidently the senior management at FEMA, have decided that Their past performance was not their own fault, but in fact, the fault of all those pesky reporters asking the questions. Best way to avoid any bad news is to not have any hard questions AND, to be doubly sure, make it so no reporters can come to your press conference. Send out the advisory 15 minutes before the event, and have your own staff ask the questions.

Fema Press Conference
More here

"I think it was one of the dumbest and most inappropriate things I've seen since I've been in government," Michael Chertoff said.

Oh how I wish that were true. But this is surely one of the more bizarre things to come out of this administration no? Part of me marvel's at the simplicity of the plan, did they actually think they could pull this off?

It makes me sit here and wonder how when Nicholas is my age will we suddenly be bombarded with the odd goings on of this administration, what he'll think of it all. Shit like this really makes me wonder.. (and yeah, they fired someone over this.) Odd. This whole administration. Odd. Very odd.

All the news that is print to fit

Yesterday's Citizen announced that a new study has found the breast-fed kids end up smarter that their bottle fed bretheren. Good. One more thing to add to the bad mother list.

I know bottle feeding is akin to giving the baby chocolate bars for breakfast. I know that breast feeding is natural and normal and better for the child. I know. I also know that as a woman who tried but could not breastfeed I am so fucking tired of being told how I fucked up my kid will be for not breastfeeding him. Yeah, I broke him at the age of seven days when my man seeing how goddamned brain washed I was, and looking at a child who was definitely NOT thriving, said "I am giving him a bottle. Please go to bed." I cried admitted defeat and said OK. The end goal he reminded me was not breastfeeding. It was a fed child who could grow and thrive and become a happy heatlhy adult. (And two public health nurses backed him up.)

The next day in the Globe and Mail, A1, "Bottle fed have higher risk of autism." I cried for two days. (I cried a lot post-partum.)

I don't think it has let up since. Now I don't cry, now I get angry. It seems they have proven that Breastfeeding reduces the risk of stupidity, ugliness, obesity, alzeihmers, parkison's, the common cold, flatulence, Catholicism and Conservativism. What's more it will make your children more charming and better humans. Don't you know every single serial killer was bottlefed.

All in all, if you didn't breastfeed your child you are a bad bad person, who obviously doesn't care about her child. In fact, at two days old you were the kind of mother who was doing blow of a Bottle-fed Gigolo's belly while the baby cried.

"Nat's boy goes on killing rampage. Bottlefeeding to blame."
There are so many other factors at play that many it's time to focus on those. Breast feeding helps, sure, it can't hurt. But so does a loving home, good schools, food and all that other stuff kids need to thrive. Instead we are focussing, again still on mom as the villain. It's all too easy no? We've been doing it for centuries.

And it's time for people to see breastfeeding for what it is. Feeding the child. So enough with the guilt already. The cold hard truth is this: had I not bottlefed The Boy he would be dead.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to unwrap the chocolate bars for breakfast.