The birds do it...

This post is part of the The Grassroots Blogger Book Marketing Campaign 2008 for Sexography to raise funds for RAINN, The Rape Abuse, Incest National Network. A few times this months, I will be pushing the limits good taste in order to help raise funds for the RAINN. Donation can be made here let them know that this came From Nat's Brain as part of GBBMC08 sent you.

Let this also be a warning that if you are offended by sexual content in blogs this may not be the entry for you.

***

I have been in a pair bond for a very long time. How long? Well, Nirvana's Nevermind was a huge hit, and we were far too cool to admit how good it was. (I believe the words Led Zeppelin rip off crossed my lips.) Silence of Lambs was the hit movie. I'd never sent an email. There was no Internet. People didn't keep blogs they had journals. (Mine was filled with angst filled poetry against society's constructs.) It was 1992.

I lost track of how often, but since March 14, 1992 The Man and I have been getting it on a very regular basis. (I only know the date because I waited until the third date to ravish him in the back of my Dad's Honda Accord, which sounds cramped but it was better than my mom's Acura Integra.) I haven't had sex with anyone else since. Weird no?

At the time, I remember thinking about my parents (ew!) and thinking how can sex possibly be fun still at 50 -- let alone sex at 50 with the same person for more than a decade (50 was VERY old to me at the time.) Weren't we better to play the field when there were all these BOYS out there to play with. (They are in their 60s now, and still very much in love and all over each other. Really very cute -- I expect this cuteness to last well into their old age.)

The Man he only had one rule when we hooked up. No other boys. He was a damn fine kisser. So for him, I would consider, even temporarily given up other boys. Over time, well, I can't see myself figuring out another man. The Man well, The Man is such fun when he's naked. (It's even better if we are both partially clothed.) Now, it seems like a natural progression. He just knows how to make me purr from the lick up the neck... to well.. all the other good stuff.

We have always been a bit physical. The first few months of our relationship, our friends had a hard time carrying on a conversation with us for the PDAs. (Translation: you couldn't talk to us because of the necking.) Now, it's a more subtle, a touch, a grab, a hug, a kiss -- with a wink usually and a "you know there are children in the house." I still think he's really really hot. And he still makes me feel totally beautiful, sexy and wanted. All men should be the fabulous no holds barred ego boost to their women.

I've come to realize that sex in a relationship evolves and grows as your relathionship does. It's less urgent more forgiving, once in a while it's wild gorilla sex. But mostly it's more playful, with little surprises along the way. (Hey, I'd like to try... what do you say? Well, most of the time it's an ok -- let's go for it. Yes, even if we never do it again. It's worth it.)

However, our experimental nature has gotten us into trouble. It is fraught with danger for these not-18-anymore bodies. Pretty sure the Kamasutra, most porn, and every thing I have ever read has not actually been tested by anyone over the age of 35, unless they are Sting -- and even he admits lying about it. (I think he may be an alien.)

It may be that not much phases you after after more than a decade (even less after child birth). At some point during sex both of you will have farted, hiccuped, coughed, *really* sneezed, or suddenly developed a calf cramp so bad that you'll consider amputating your leg with a nail file.

Our new found athleticism has let to more adventuresome positions. Some, we now realize which carry the risk of other more lasting physical harm that may require more long term medical attention. For instance, last night I kicked The Man in the head. I was trying to flip my left leg onto his right shoulder. I missed. Had I been in kickboxing I would have been proud of a good round house kick. Did I mention I love the roundhouse kick. Oops. Guffaw. He's ok. The Man he keeps going even under adversity like a brain injury. No concussion. At least not that I can tell. "Well, officer we were having sex and I kicked him the head. I didn't know it could kill him."

Last year, I ended up in massage therapy to ease the pain in my neck, explaining that during intercourse, I lost my balance for a second and in righting myself I managed to sprain my neck and shoulder my upper body having collided with the head board. (The RMT loved the story. I reckon I should have gotten a discount.) It took three sessions to work out the kink. I'm a bit more careful bracing myself now. But not too much. A friend of mine recommended a sling to prevent further injury and hold in the pudge... I just might.

So after all that does that mean we take it easy? God no. It's usually worth it. And if it's not, well the experiment was worth the try. And let's face it, there will come a time when we are no longer able to reach bend and thrust like that. At that point we'll have to put a phone in the bedroom with 911 on speed dial.

*** OK. So I have no clue if these pelicans are a pairbond. I don't really like birds. I suppose I could look it up. With the possible exception of turkeys. Turkey are damned good eatin' but not sexy. See?

Comments

[TSM]

More powah to ya for still doin the nasty after "all those years". I think, in honor of your post, I shall go do that now with the Mr! We got together right about the same time you folks did. LOVE the 90s!!

[Marcy]

Penguins! Penguins pair bond. I think I saw it once on Nat Geo or something LOL

OMG this was a great post! ;D ;D There is just so much I could share yet shouldn't LMAO!

[Absurdist]

Okay, I absolutely love this post and died laughing. I only wish that I could have a relationship like that. I am 35. No prospects, unfortunately.

[Laurel aka Lily]

You crack me up! Too F_ing funny, maybe I should be looking for a pelican, I seem to have met all of the turkeys!!! LMAO!!!

[alison]

Great post, Nat. And yay about the home renovations.

[Tree]

OMG! I love it.

[Carly]

I think they should have "sex injury" wings in the hospital. :)

[Selma]

That is hilarious. I put my back out after a fairly rigorous 'experimental' session a few years back. I could barely walk and I had to make up a really lame story for the doctor that I know she didn't believe. It was embarrassing but very funny. You know, you are a great writer, very warm and humorous. I really like your perspective on life!

[Mayberry Magpie]

Incredibly brave post. And hilarious.

Your life is good. Are you are wise to realize it and take joy where it should be found.